We're Home

We got sent home from the hospital yesterday afternoon, but not before they took three vials of blood from his head that they had to stick three different times.  They will be sending the blood off and some urine for additional genetic testing. As happy as I am to be home, I am struggling today. I had sort of convinced myself that the apneic episodes that started four months ago were just a fluke, and now that they've happened again I can't seem to shake the feeling of worrying all the time. At least in the hospital I was surrounded by Dr.'s and nurses. I guess it was giving me a false sense of peace.  I know I haven't really said too much about what happened last Friday, but while I had the bottle in Leeland's mouth is when he turned blue the first time.  His color came back very quickly. About five minutes later while I was walking around the house burping him, I felt him go limp and watched the color drain completely out of his face. His eyes were open but he was unresponsive. I tried throwing him over my knee in case he was choking, I ran outside with him, blew in his face and eventually began mouth to mouth. I've never been so scared in my life. I am having a hard time not reliving that moment over and over in my head and waiting for it to happen again. I guess the reason I am writing this is because as you pray for Leeland, please say a prayer for me too.  I know that God does not give me the spirit of fear, I just need a little convincing.